Wednesday, January 4, 2012


I have a confession to make.  I recently decided to give online match making another try.  I am nothing if not an optimist.  I'm happy with the improvements I've made in myself personally and physically and thought I'd give it another whirl.

One guy came up in my search and I thought he seemed interesting, nice looking, etc.  He seemed normal in his profile so I sent him a brief message.  That may seem forward for a girl if you've never done online dating, but if you just wait for guys to contact you, even in the online world, you won't communicate with many people.

His first message claims me to be adorable and that he keeps looking at my picture thinking, "is she really still single?"  It also says that he is quitting match and asks could I personally email him.  My radar go up that there is probably something fishy about this but since I'm trying to keep an open mind and a lot of these date sites do specials for a free weekend during the holidays to suck us in, I decide to just set up an email account that could not be traced back to me.  His second message claims that my eyes are like the "eyes of doves by the rivers of water" and "their dynamism is what makes them unique." If you know me, you know I have a low tolerance for "bs" and my bs meter was rocking off the charts at this moment.  I do have great eyes but seriously.....

He then tells just enough generic information about himself, including the fact that he and his mother were watching TV and saw a ad and she asked him to sign up.  That was a month ago, and unfortunately he has lost his mother to cancer in that Nigeria.  Because that's where she lived by the way, Nigeria, which he says is very nice except for a recent uprising that killed about sixty people.

In case you're wondering, I will not be communicating with this individual anymore and so glad I trusted my gut!  I feel certain forthcoming emails would continue to praise my "adorableness" but would also follow with pleas for some kind of money.  I'm sure I'd hear that he would pay me back when he was back in my area but he just cannot access his money because he's in Nigeria...and I couldn't strand him in a foreign country, could I?

Seriously?  Does anyone fall for this?  The sad thing is that women must be falling for this.  I know it's probably not just one man, it could be a woman or a whole group of scammers creating a profile and messages such as this.  If it wasn't working, they wouldn't be doing it.  What about our society is so broken that people can get away with this?  Why are women so desperate to hear how lovely they are, they will believe words like this?

When I was in Japan, we did some work in a train station.  While we were practicing English with those moving around, a group of well groomed young men caught my attention.  They had stylish hair and wore nice suits.  I was told they were waiting for young, beautiful women that were coming off the trains.  As I watched, they would surround the women and walk with them.  I was told they were complimenting them but also going beyond that to say sexually inappropriate things to them.  They were assaulting them verbally.  Can you imagine just trying to make it to your next train and being surrounded by a group of men, all trying to break you down by speaking unthinkable things to you.  These men were supposedly recruiting for "restaurants."

In the US, it is not always so blatant, but we have created a world where women's beauty is supreme.  Still in 2012, if a woman is not attached to a man, there is something wrong with her.  It is tough to be single and know that many are wondering what is wrong with you.  In the church, we emphasize the roles of wife and motherhood to a level that if a woman isn't a wife or a mother, she is nothing.  Her salvation is in those roles and so what happens if those roles don't come along?  While we may not preach that abuse is acceptable, women will put up with the unspeakable in order to hold onto what they have.  So many women feel they need some legitimacy in this world.   They need someone telling them their eyes are like the eyes of doves that they will do anything to have it.

There must be a culture shift! We have got to start treating women with more respect and value them for who they are as individuals! Women have got to stop being competitive and, even catty, with one another and step forward to create a world where we support other women.  Men and women have got to start being so hard on women.  We have to create a world where women can succeed.  Women, we have to stop being so hard on ourselves, and love who we are right now, not ten pounds less or at a younger age.  We have to find our value in our gifts, calling and passion. are amazing just as you are!  Spend some quality getting to know who you are and what you bring to the world.

What will you do today to create equality?  What will you do today to encourage a woman?  What will you do today to help a woman discover her own individual worth and live up to her God-created potential?  What will you do to create a culture shift?

1 comment:

  1. You are an amazing woman. I have always hated the idea that single people are flawed. I have many single friends who are some of the best people I've known. I enjoy being married, but I also enjoyed being single. I was a whole and valuable person then, just as I am now.

    I really appreciate your courage to write about such things. I'm glad I know you.