Retail Therapy

Last Friday I needed to go to the mall. I had a gift certificate that was expiring and gap was having a sale I was going to check out.

I love shopping. I love trying on something brand new and the feeling a perfect fit gives you. In my real life, in ministry, I deal with the deep problems of humanity and it can take years to see results of my efforts, if I ever get to see them. There is something immediately gratifying about piecing together a beautiful outfit or finding the right accessory to put an outfit over the top. I've been told I have the ability to perfectly accessorize any outfit. Not exactly something to put on your resume but it sure can make you feel good to know your fashionable....at least as far as ministers in central North Carolina go. Obviously, I am all about "fabulousness." :)

I also love the possibility of a new outfit. This may seem crazy to you, but I like to think about where I will go, who will see me, etc. in this outfit. Being single, I think, will this be the outfit that some guy falls in love with me in?

I have also realized that just like with my compulsive eating, there is a void I am trying to fill when I shop. A little pick me up. We often harmlessly term it as "retail therapy" but as it says in the book "Women, Food and God," what are we really wanting? Why not just go right to the problem. What do I want that little bauble or trinket to do for me? Why do I feel like I need the perfect outfit to get the attention of someone of the opposite sex or to get that job?

So, Friday I was at the mall for legitimate reasons but, because I was feeling a little "blah," I tried to find something else to buy. Something beautiful and fashionable to get lost in for a few minutes. The trouble was I could not find anything. I found plenty of things I could spend money on but there has been this shift inside of me. It is a realization that nothing I buy or eat, etc is going to make me happy. Nothing externally is going to solve problems or make me feel better about myself.

As I got in my car, I was still feeling a little "blah" but I knew it would pass. In the core of who I am, I knew that was enough...and that is pretty "fabulous."

Living Life

I have been negligent in blogging anything over the summer. I was shocked to see my last post was in May! May seems like another lifetime to me. A new school year is beginning and with the cooler weather we've had this week, I feel fall already in the air.

I've been negligent in blogging, and doing some other important things like school work, because I've been living my life! I expected some major changes in my life back in the spring that did not happen. I'd been putting off making decisions, getting control of areas of my life, organizing or redecorating my home until a major life change happened. You know, just being in that middle place where you are waiting for something big to happen to get everything in your life right. I got thinking, why couldn't I make all of those changes a reality without the life altering situation. Why not create my own life altering situation. It probably also helped that I turned thirty-five at the beginning of June. It just left me with this no nonsense approach to everything. Quit making excuses and just live!

So I did that....I lived. It has been an incredible summer! I've organized my house. I got rid of old items I'd had since high school and redecorated my house so it looked like an adult lived here. I even painted one little wall in my house red and have more painting projects planned for the fall!

I got a dog. She is a little mess of a dog, poor thing. She was used by a breeder just to produce puppies so she has no people skills at all. I'm learning a lot from her and am sure you'll hear more in future posts about her.

Perhaps the biggest changes came from reading a book, "Women, Food and God." Now, as a minister, I feel compelled to tell you this is not technically a "Christian" book. The author, Geneen Roth, talks about God in the sense that God is whatever you determine "god" to be. However, the message of this book was very powerful for me! I am a compulsive eater and I can say that now. My eating and weight issues are tied to so many deeper issues that this book made me not only name, but start taking actions to create a different future for myself! It has changed the way I look at myself and the way I look at food.

So..this is just an overview of all of the ways I've been living life and learning. I'll talk more about each of these later because right now I need to go enjoy this lovely evening by walking my dog.

Quit making excuses and just live!