Plastic Forks and Duct Tape

Yesterday morning I was out running errands and needed to pick up lunch to eat at the office. Being gluten intolerant, I can't just go anywhere so I decided to place a take out order for PF Chang's, which has a wonderful gluten free menu. As the waitress was putting my lemon chicken coated in sauce in a bag, I mentioned that I needed utensils. She smile apologetically and giggled saying, "Sorry, we ran out of our disposal utensils. So, we don't have any." I just stood there and said something like, "I guess I will just have to figure out how to eat this then." She smiled and walked away, leaving me dumb founded. Now, I work in a building that has a kitchen, so getting a fork is not a real problem for me, but what about everyone else? Could no one on staff run out to get some plastic utensils? This restaurant was located in a busy shopping district, where there were many other restaurants and stores. And why was it my problem as the customer? Why, in this nice restaurant, is no one taking leadership in fixing such a simple problem, especially a problem that would be a real hindrance to most of their take out customers?

It reminded me of something I learned a few years ago. I was working as a summer missionary for a church start in New York City. Our goal was to reach out to young professionals on the upper west-side of Manhattan. In order to connect with this population, we would set up a table early in the morning in front of the comedy club we held worship services in and hand out breakfast bars to young professionals on their way to the subway. Our goal was to connect with them but also to give visibility to our church. The pastor of the church had ordered a large banner made for this purpose, advertising who we were and our job was to hang the banner on the building behind our table. Our first morning, it did not hang as it was supposed to and we decided to just forego the banner. The pastor came by and questioned why the banner was sitting rolled up. Without it, people had to stop and be willing to talk to us to know why we were there. Let's be honest, there were not many New Yorkers willing to do this and so without an advertisement of who we were, we just looked like crazy people handing out breakfast bars on the street. Our leader asked why we had not tried other methods of hanging the banner, or why we had not visited the hardware store just down the street to find a new method. For heaven's sake, why had we not just at least gotten some duct tape?

The good leaders are the ones who go for the duct tape, or the plastic utensils. They are the ones who recognize what is important and do whatever it takes to follow through. They do not just give up and leave the banner rolled in the corner or smile and say "sorry." If you want to be a great leader, you must know what is most important. There are many smaller details that a good leader knows can be flexible. They are able to keep from sweating the small stuff. An ineffective leader will wear others out making the sure the non-essentials happen just the way they intend or invision them happening. A good leader knows what is important, what contributes to the vision and ultimate success for their organization or event. They will do whatever it takes to make sure the vision is not compromised. They keep the most important, most important and will do what ever it takes for success. While success may be held together with duct tape, it is still success.

Tough Egg to Crack

Last week I was making some breakfast and had a run in with a difficult egg. I was working very hard to crack the egg so that I could make my omelet. After tapping it forcefully a few times, a little chip finally gave away. Unfortunately, the "membrane" around the egg stay in tact. I literally had to take my thumb and shove it in to get the insides out. As I was cleaning up the inevitable mess this made, I found myself saying, "Whew, that was a tough egg to get into." I immediately thought about the old description, "a tough egg to crack."

I'm facing a "tough egg to crack" as a leader right now. The ministry that I serve is experiencing lots of change. This year new students seem totally different than those who were new last year. Much of what our ministry does is not connecting with this new group, or at least not connecting in the same way. For one example, a few years ago our catch phrase was, "A Place to Call Home." We had t-shirts with our ministry building placed in the middle of a city skyline. Students identified that we could offer people a second family and a home away from home. That is not resonating with this group at all. Even in the span of three or four years, these students are now so connected to their own families through cell phones and technology that they are not looking for a new family or a new home. Many of them grew up in event based youth ministry or at least grew up constantly having entertainment available. Coming to our ministry events has to be worth their while. There has to be a reason to give up the cell phones, the games, the unlimited streaming of media. Perhaps the biggest change is the pressure of getting a job. They are fully aware how difficult it is to get a job or get into a grad school program. They have to be so involved in professional groups on campus and volunteering in their fields of study that without really good time management skills, it makes it difficult to be a part of a ministry like ours.

This is the challenge of good leadership. I joked earlier this year that leadership is like being a ninja, but again I think there is much truth in that. You must be able to assess the situation just like the Green Hornet's side kick, looking for the danger spots and your assets. You must be able to have a vision for the future. You must, while being true to who you are as a leader, discover what type of leadership is the most effective for this group of people. What this group needs from me is very different from what's be needed in the past which challenges me to find new ways to lead out of my strengths and muster the courage to lead in new areas that are not as comfortable.

So, for now I'm still trying to figure out how to get into the egg, making as little mess as possible.

I Have a Voice

I just returned from seeing the movie "The King's Speech," a movie I highly recommend seeing. It is the amazing journey of King George VI and his struggle with a speech impediment that resulted from a life of difficulties. There is a powerful scene where the therapist provokes the king's anger. I won't give the whole scene away, but it ends with the poignant moment when King George VI shouts that he should be king, as he states, "because I have a voice." It was a powerful moment where George, affectionately called Bertie, steps into his own. He realizes he has a purpose and a place in life. He has a voice the world needs to hear, no matter how imperfect it may be.

The same is true for all of us though. We were all created with a voice. We were created with a unique world view, experiences and gifts. Sometimes we allow our own life experiences to squelch our voice. We worry of what others will think of us and it silences the passion that flows through our very being. We are worried they will call us too liberal, too conservative, too much of a bleeding heart, too ignorant, too untrained, too demanding, too needy....and the list goes on and on.

The reality is that if we live our lives so concerned about what others say, we will find ourselves paralyzed in fear. LIving a life that is the equivalent of a vocal stammer. You have a voice. What do you want to say?

Planning Ahead

Today I was having lunch with Helen, the office assistant who works with me. (By the way, Biaggi's in Cary has an amazing gluten free menu). We were talking about time management and how everyone of us has to find our own ways to manage time.

Last spring I went a little crazy with my time management. Every weekend I would plan almost every minute of the coming week. I was starting my doctoral work, dealing with health issues that I did not understand, had my full time ministry position and was branching out in new territories of ministry. While it worked for me at the time, it was exhausting. And, as anyone else in ministry knows, there is no way to completely predict what every week will look like.

There was one little trick I began in the spring that I have held onto, which is what I was sharing with Helen. As a woman, I know that part of the image I display to others is done with the clothes I wear and I believe it is important to be intentional about my image. While my image is not who I am, it helps to convey who I am to others.

So, on Sunday evenings I spend a little time planning out my clothes for the week. I'll try on clothes and accessories. I think about what activities I have throughout the week and plan my clothes accordingly. (For women, what you wear conveys a message before you open your mouth but sometimes it is just most important to be comfortable) Then I line them up in my closet, including the appropriate shoes and accessories. In the mornings, I rarely find myself with the conundrum of "having nothing to wear." Of course, I may change my mind but don't do that very often. It has been a huge time saver for me and helps me to feel confident throughout the week.

Think about your schedule. What are the things that are eating up your time? Is there any process you can make more efficient with a little planning?

Angry Birds

I have never been much for video games. I know I am dating myself with this, but when I was in elementary school, we got an atari. One of the old ones that were made to look like they were made out of wood paneling. While I enjoyed a good game of Qbert or Ms. Pacman, I did not play the games like kids do today.

However, I have recently been turned onto a game on my iphone called Angry Birds. I blame a fellow campus minister for my recent addiction. This week, if I've had a free moment, I am trying to get to the next level. The premise of this game is that these annoying green pig-like creatures stole eggs from some birds and now they are angry. Each level features the pigs in some contraption that you have to destroy by flinging the angry birds from a sling shot.

The key though is that these green pig-like creatures mock you the entire time. I think honestly that's what keeps me going. When I fail a level, they mock me with snorts and laughs. I find myself pushing the button to play the level again without even thinking.

In our lives, we all have green pig-like creatures in the form of people who are hoping we will fail. You know who they are. In my life, they come in many different forms. Those that do not completely trust me, those that work to undermine my leadership, those who are waiting for me to fail.

I love to surround myself with helpful, positive people. The ones who are encouraging me, believing that I can achieve anything. The reality is however, that without the "pigs" in my life, I would not achieve as much. The reality is that we all need the "pigs" of life to push us forward. While the reality of having people in your life that are secretly, or not so secretly, hoping you will fail can be daunting and even painful at times, these people keep us from getting complacent. They keep pushing us forward.

Surround yourself with people who love you, support you and believe you can reach for the stars.

When you come across the ones who are not positive, just imagine them as green pig-like creatures and allow their "snorts" and "laughs" to push you forward, achieving new levels of success.

Pad Thai but Hold the Chicken...aka What is Gluten?

Two weeks ago I learned that the Pad Thai at Noodles and Company were gluten free. In the past week I have enjoyed them three times (please don't look up the calorie count on a serving, it's through the roof), each time with the chicken. Come to find out, the chicken, as is often the case, is not gluten free.

You may have no earthly idea what gluten is and I did not until a few months ago. I've always had an ailment...and upset stomachs.....like my whole life. Growing up, it was always blamed on stress, or at least the stomach problems were. The other ailments could usually be attached to weight in some abstract way. But over the last few years, despite my best efforts to get healthier, I felt awful.

A year and a half ago, as part of my original "living fabulousness" movement, I started going to the gym regularly and trying to lose weight. I felt as though my body was fighting me! I'd be able to work out for a few days and then would just start feeling awful. I would be so tired and have awful headaches and didn't understand what was going on. The food cravings were intense! I could never get enough and would have such strong food cravings that I would have to eat whatever it was I wanted. (Kind of like the cravings I've been having for that pad thai over the last week) I would have days where I was so tired I had to take a nap and then would have trouble waking back up. My stomach was a mess! I was taking so many medications for my headaches and my stomach usually multiple times a day! I had days where my head was so fuzzy I could not focus on anything. I would have to work hard to have a serious conversation, much less write a paper or prepare a sermon. At points, I was taking at least one non-drowsy dramamine a day to stop dizziness. My mood was altered. I was grumpy and sarcastic. College students on our spring break mission trip who did not really know me were frightened by me. (My students just assumed something was going on) It really felt like to me that my hormones were out of control.

Easter night, my stomach got so bad that while on a visit to my sister in Arkansas, I had to visit the ER. I couldn't stop the pain and multiple times during the night I felt I was going to pass out because it was getting so bad. Thinking it was just my weight (losing 10 lbs would cure anything, right), and feeling like maybe my sugar was out of whack, I worked to stop eating foods with flour. Most of my low-fat food included flour, the food I'd been eating since trying to get healthy. On facebook one day, I wrote about making some gluten free cookies and a friend asked if I had celiacs.

As I looked up the symptoms for those with a wheat allergy, gluten allergy or gluten intolerance, I realized I had found the culprit for my bad health. I also suddenly realized how healthy I felt with just cutting way back on foods with flour. The more research I did, the more it became evident that I had to completely eliminate gluten from my diet, which is not easy. Gluten is not only in flour but is also common in salad dressings, marinades, flavor syrups used for coffee drinks and ice cream treats, soy sauce and the list goes on and on. I have visited an allergist and consulted with my primary care physician on these matters. I have tested negative for celiacs.

However, I have never felt better. I started running because my joints felt so wonderful and had so much more energy. I have been able to come off three allergy medications for my allergies and asthma. I'm working on weaning myself off my final medication for asthma, because miraculously, it's going away. I hardly ever get headaches anymore. My TMJ is so much better. My stomach and digestive system are still healing, but are better than they've been since my childhood.

I think back again over the past week and how I was effected by whatever marinade is used on that chicken at Noodles and Company and wonder how in the world I did it for so long. l did continue leading a successful ministry and start doctoral work. I did continue to have friends and try to keep going to the gym and eating healthy. Sometimes we just let awfulness creep up on us until we think it's normal. It can be our health, our relationships, our jobs but we eventually begin believing that this is just the way things are. However, we should want more for our lives. It is critical to pay attention to your surroundings, to your friends concern, to your own body to know when something needs to change. We cannot be the people God intended us to be unless we are willing to make the changes we need in our lives. We must pay attention to ourselves. What is your body trying to tell you?

Women Around the World

I have been in Japan for the last two weeks. It's been a great trip but I am ready to get home. Having a gluten intolerance, I have eaten a lot of rice while I have been here. Sometimes, that's all I've been able to eat for a meal. People have been so kind though. Last night, a kind waitress worked hard to find something I could eat on the menu. I wound up with a bowl of warm rice with some egg strips, green onions and raw tuna. It was actually really good.

The women, especially in our area of Kobe, are beautiful! They looked like they have walked out of a fashion magazine. I don't know how they manage to keep their style in this heat or manage to walk around the city in the ridiculously high heals they often wear. They exude fabulousness.....

We had the opportunity last week to visit with some girls from a women's university. Darling, fun girls! They chose questions they wanted to ask us and many were about the roles of women in our country. There is a culture change happening in Japan and these young women are caught in it. These beautiful stylish, strong confident women are expected to leave work immediately once they have children. There is nothing wrong with choosing to stop working once you have children, but for these women it is different. For one, it is not a choice. Secondly, the family system here is such that the man works and the woman's world begins to revolve around taking care of the children, the house and the husband. Sometimes she is even unaware of what the husband does at work, who he works with and often will not see him during the work week.

Last night we were in a different area, the city of Osaka. We were there to offer English lessons to those coming and going on the trains. In this area, along with others in Japan, it is common for a team of men that dress nicely in suits and have stylish hair, to approach women about working as "waitresses" for them. For some, it may very well be a legitimate waitressing position, but for others it is not. These men just approach women and follow them through the station. Some men took the tactic of getting in the women's faces and harassing them. Others would walk along flirting and flattering the women. Personally, it made me angry.

I do not understand how women are treated so violently and demeaningly around the world. It happens in our own culture in America. Here the police know it is happening and do nothing to stop these men, just like most places around the world. I remember walking through the streets of a Muslim neighborhood in Belgium seeing a women trying to cover her face because she had been beaten by her husband. Her sad eyes were surrounded by bruising. Part of his right as a husband is that he could hit her any time he wanted, any time she did not please him.

This is part of what makes me stand in awe of women. Through the difficulties, women find ways to stand strong. Find ways to make relationships that give life meaning. In difficult circumstances they find ways to raise children with love. And often, they do it with their own flair........that is fabulousness. Find a way to encourage a special woman in your life today. Find a way to work against injustice to women.